You Can't Coach That

Friday, March 16, 2007

Dear Acme Corporation

It has been two months now since I ordered the “Amazing Acme Time Machine” from your summer catalogue and I still have not received the product. My need for this item is becoming more urgent by the day and I urge you to take immediate action. Allow me to provide some further details in support of my claim.

You see I am the father of two daughters. I feel blessed every day that I have been sent these angels but there is one significant problem and this is where your product is relevant.

They are growing up too damn fast. My 11 year old now insists on buying her own clothes (with my money of course) and insists that she must wear the latest fashions. The trouble is the “latest fashions” are those being modeled on MTV by the likes of Brit, Christina and Gwen (I like watching MTV too).

My 6 year old has just started school and frankly I am just not ready to have two children at school, especially when one of them appears to be trying to attract her potential husband already.

As you can appreciate, I therefore urgently need the “Amazing Acme Time Machine” so that I may make frequent use of its “stop time for 60 minutes” feature and therefore save what is left of my quickly disappearing sanity.

Please deal with this matter with the utmost promptitude otherwise I will be forced to send the roadrunner over and he will shove a rocket up your ..... (sorry, I told you I was losing my sanity)

Yours sincerely

Coach

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Recently I blogged about the new iPod vibrator from OhMiBod.
John Chow wrote a review of the same product back in February which attracted quite a bit of interest based on the comments for his article.

John has just posted a review of a similar product, the iBuzz (seems every new product has to have an “i” in the name these days. This new review got me thinking about what playlists people might put together for those “special moments” spent with their music and one of these pleasure machines. Here is what I came up with after a few minutes thought (add to the list through comments if you feel like it):

• The William Tell Overture - as included in my original post and just for the cannons
• Shook me all night long - AC/DC
• Shakin all over - Johnny Kidd?
• Nothing as it seems - Pearl Jam
• Shake your groove thing - Peaches & Herb
• (I come from the land) Down Under - Men at Work
• Feelin’ way too damn good - Nickelback
• Here without you - 3 Doors Down
• God (iPod) put a smile upon your face - Coldplay
• Hells Bells - AC/DC
• On my own - Black Eyed Peas
• Shake your booty - KC and the Sunshine Band
• Anything by Metallica

“You Can’t Coach That”

Posted by Head Coach on 03/13 at 06:28 PM
Humour • (1) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink

iPod vibrator from OhMiBod.
John Chow wrote a review of the same product back in February which attracted quite a bit of interest based on the comments for his article.

">

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Like many I find the concept of evolution a fascinating one. Lately I have been thinking about how evolution has changed the Human race and more specifically how things might turn out if certain technological advances had not been made.

I am short sighted. I have worn glasses or contact lenses for more than twenty years. I ask myself whether the instance of short sightedness has increased over time and whether it will increase into the future. (I could of course do some research to find out but why let facts get in the way of a story) Has the invention of corrective lenses in fact led to an increase in sight disorders and if so will this escalation continue? My reason for thinking about this is simple - without glasses/contact lenses I would be an absolute bumbling fool (even more so than I am now perhaps). As an absolute bumbling fool my prospects in matters of love and reproduction would have been grim indeed. It therefore follows that the gene pool would not have been polluted with my poor eyesight genes. There are millions of people out there who are short sighted and therefore rely on glasses. Without the assistance of corrective lenses perhaps many of them would, like me, be unlucky in love.

Then there is that wonderful invention; alcohol. Without alcohol would there be fewer shy people in the world? Same logic - no alcohol - not as many shy people getting lucky - fewer shy person genes being passed on - you get the idea.

Anyway, I’m off to find my glasses and have a few beers.

“You can’t coach that”

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Listen to the audio.

Originally seen at 5pieces

“You can’t coach that”