An open letter to the Acme Corporation
Dear Acme Corporation
It has been two months now since I ordered the “Amazing Acme Time Machine” from your summer catalogue and I still have not received the product. My need for this item is becoming more urgent by the day and I urge you to take immediate action. Allow me to provide some further details in support of my claim.
You see I am the father of two daughters. I feel blessed every day that I have been sent these angels but there is one significant problem and this is where your product is relevant.
They are growing up too damn fast. My 11 year old now insists on buying her own clothes (with my money of course) and insists that she must wear the latest fashions. The trouble is the “latest fashions” are those being modeled on MTV by the likes of Brit, Christina and Gwen (I like watching MTV too).
My 6 year old has just started school and frankly I am just not ready to have two children at school, especially when one of them appears to be trying to attract her potential husband already.
As you can appreciate, I therefore urgently need the “Amazing Acme Time Machine” so that I may make frequent use of its “stop time for 60 minutes” feature and therefore save what is left of my quickly disappearing sanity.
Please deal with this matter with the utmost promptitude otherwise I will be forced to send the roadrunner over and he will shove a rocket up your ..... (sorry, I told you I was losing my sanity)
Yours sincerely
Coach
