You Can't Coach That

Dating

A sponsored post:

Dating, I am so glad I don’t have to do it. I am in the incredibly fortunate position of being happily married to a saint. She has to be a saint to put up with yours truly and all my s#@t. We met in high school so I have had precious little experience in the dating arts. I often wonder whether I would have been very good at it as I got older. It was a pretty easy thing to do as a teenager but I can imagine it gets a heck of a lot harder as the years tick over. At 15 you are supposed to have bad skin and be socially awkward. It’s not a good situation at thirty however.

I wonder how I would have approached the dating challenge as an adult. Would I have been the clubber type? Would I be the dinner and movie dater or perhaps the bar-b-q with friends type? Could I have turned to an online dating service? Probably a beer and pie at the footy - romantic I know.

To end on a humourous note, here are some translations of common lines in personal ads [via: no marriage]

# Strong woman - Bitch with a severe case of self entitlement.

# Classy - Bitchy 45 year old real estate agent type.

# Seeking gentleman - Looking for rich guy who isn’t interested in sex.

# World traveler - would love to go to Europe as long as you’re buying.

# Intelligent - She isn’t but thinks she is, and you’d better entertain her.

# Rubenesque - Fat

# Sarcastic - Bought into the whole Gen X irony thing and is really a miserable bore to hang out with.

# Make me laugh - You’re expected to be highly entertaining right away.

# Sick of bar scene - She doesn’t get hit on at bars due to one or more physical flaws.

# Friends first - Reformed nympho

# Shapely - Fat

# BBW - Grossly, morbidly obese (Bring Burgers With)

# Snuggling and Warm Fires - No Sex

# Enjoys Traveling - You’re paying, right?

# Meaningful Relationship - Slavery

# Nurturing - Smothering

# Sassy - Insufferable by the third date.

# Bubbly - Happy all the damn time to the point of annoying.

# No games! - I won’t put up with your games, but I will gladly infuriate you with mine.

# Eccentric or quirky - Psycho…

# Grown up man - Sucker willing to marry and support my lazy fat ass. 

Coach, There’s no way I could possibly start the whole dating thing again. I’ve even thought about this - to some degree.

I really, really doubt there’s anyone that would put up with me long enough to even finish a date, let alone be willing to try another one. And then there’s the fact that I’m so damn picky about things.

I love the list. I can personally attest to the validity of it. I think I dated ( back when I did date ) over half the women that were used to compile it.

Bwahahahahah.  This is hilarious!  Bwahahahah.

Thought about registering on one of those on line dating services but my wife wont let me. Anyway, I would need to lower my sex drive - by about 3 feet!

I too am happily married Coach.  Though it has only been 2 1/2 years, I wouldn’t trade it for the dating game for anything.

Dating sucks...especially in this day-&-age.  I suppose if I was to date, I would limit the dating pool to my church…