You Can't Coach That

Exams and Report Cards

I’m currently up to my ears in exam marking and report card writing. There has been precious little time therefore for much else and all my creative energies have been spent on said report cards.

In order to release the pressure on my bull$h!t valve I thought I would write some of the things I can’t say in report cards. The names, genders and species have been changed to protect the defendant (me)

• Mary is outgoing and cheerful - Mary would talk under wet cement
• John appears to enjoy his IT lessons - John is a borderline deviant who spends his IT lessons working out ways to access porn sites
  
• Susan is a quiet and reflective student - Susan is an EMO and hasn’t spoken to me or looked me in the eye all semester
  
• Harry is a gifted IT student - Harry has mastered the art of circumventing the school firewall so he can access porn sites
  
• Jennifer always has something to offer in class discussions - Jennifer thinks she knows everything and has the right to tell the world
• John is well respected by his peers - John is popular because you, his parents, let him and his friends have wild parties
  
• Bob is finding mathematics difficult - Bob is failing because he does no work and you will blame me for his poor performance

“You can’t coach that”

Hi ya Coach…

Guess what?? John and Harry must have identical twins at my schools!! How bout that?

Thank you for your hard work and dedication(Coach is really known as a constant daydreamer, counting down the days ‘till retirement when he no longer has to do all this dreaded paperwork)

Bwahahahah.  Now that was funny.  Bwahahah.  Sounds about right to me.  Have a great day Coach.

I, too, have these students. They do get around!
Report writing is the worst time for me.

good stuff.

But seriously some of it sounds a little like my son. He is 9yo, grade three and gee it’s hard to get him to do school work. He can do it fine, but to get him to start! He doesn’t like any mistakes and I think the problem is if he thinks he may get some spelling or whatever wrong, he just would rather do none of it.
Grade three he had to do a powerpoint presentation! it took him a month to do a slide, projects on countries, all week and he does a sentence, he comes home and then does it all in one go - no idea why he does this at school and it is starting to worry me.

Jacer - you summed me up in one

Comedy+ - not as funny as your stuff but I try

Joh - thanks for dropping by - I am off to check out your blog

GC - homework has to be one of the biggest stress factors in many homes. My advice is to do your best to get him to do it but if necessary let the school deal with the consequences of it not being done.

Thanks Coach, it is easier said than done though as we don’t want to see him get behind or fail or ..whatever.

I guess you are right, if the school gets him to work during his lunch to make up for it , he will quickly learn to do it.

I’m going to start reading between the lines the next time I get my kids’ report cards, LOL!

Coach - what can I say - you are right on the spot with this one, parents (myself included) want to hear the bright side, not the translation, when discussing our kids.  very funny...AM