You Can't Coach That

Friday, May 04, 2007

A sponsored post:

Dating, I am so glad I don’t have to do it. I am in the incredibly fortunate position of being happily married to a saint. She has to be a saint to put up with yours truly and all my s#@t. We met in high school so I have had precious little experience in the dating arts. I often wonder whether I would have been very good at it as I got older. It was a pretty easy thing to do as a teenager but I can imagine it gets a heck of a lot harder as the years tick over. At 15 you are supposed to have bad skin and be socially awkward. It’s not a good situation at thirty however.

I wonder how I would have approached the dating challenge as an adult. Would I have been the clubber type? Would I be the dinner and movie dater or perhaps the bar-b-q with friends type? Could I have turned to an online dating service? Probably a beer and pie at the footy - romantic I know.

To end on a humourous note, here are some translations of common lines in personal ads [via: no marriage]

# Strong woman - Bitch with a severe case of self entitlement.

# Classy - Bitchy 45 year old real estate agent type.

# Seeking gentleman - Looking for rich guy who isn’t interested in sex.

# World traveler - would love to go to Europe as long as you’re buying.

# Intelligent - She isn’t but thinks she is, and you’d better entertain her.

# Rubenesque - Fat

# Sarcastic - Bought into the whole Gen X irony thing and is really a miserable bore to hang out with.

# Make me laugh - You’re expected to be highly entertaining right away.

# Sick of bar scene - She doesn’t get hit on at bars due to one or more physical flaws.

# Friends first - Reformed nympho

# Shapely - Fat

# BBW - Grossly, morbidly obese (Bring Burgers With)

# Snuggling and Warm Fires - No Sex

# Enjoys Traveling - You’re paying, right?

# Meaningful Relationship - Slavery

# Nurturing - Smothering

# Sassy - Insufferable by the third date.

# Bubbly - Happy all the damn time to the point of annoying.

# No games! - I won’t put up with your games, but I will gladly infuriate you with mine.

# Eccentric or quirky - Psycho…

# Grown up man - Sucker willing to marry and support my lazy fat ass.